old habits

2009-02-18T03:57:00.000-08:00

well hello people,

it's been quite sometime since i last spewed bile from the mountain top, hasn't it? well, you know what they say: old habits die hard. well, niggaface dies harder. truth be told, i've been ill at ease since i stopped blogging. there's been so much going on in my personal life, and so much more in the world, that i've literally been chomping at the bit to start writing again.

the funny thing is, that my return to form hasn't been brought about by recent events. the economic crisis, the election of the first black president, my move to las vegas....none of that has been enough to make me man the helm at the lonely laptop again. out of all the possible bile-filled rants and self-righteous things i could speak on, i've only picked up the "pen" again to say "thank you" to someone who deserves it far more than they realize.

throughout the last 8 years i've spent meeting people in college, grad school, and traveling with my job, i've met a ton of interesting characters. out of all of these people, i treasure few and call even less "friend." out of the few friends i have, there is one who flies under the radar, who i generally fail to give any kudos to. that being said, c.j., this post is for you.

for those of you who don't know, i've got this great friend, c.j. she doesn't get to meet most of you, and she usually hasn't gotten much fanfare from me in blogs past, which is a pretty large injustice. it has been said that the greatness of a man can be measured by the company that he keeps. if this is true, then i must be one hell of a guy.

i've had a friend for the last 5 or 6 six years that has stuck by me through thick and thin. she's been around through every breakup, every arrest, every depressed episode, every drunk-dial freakout, etc. now, there's plenty of other people who've been around for these things, but c.j. is unique in that she has never once asked for anything in return. honestly, out of all the years we've known each other, all she's ever asked for is a bit of my time once a month so she can see how i'm doing. that's it. unconditional friendship. something that can't be bought, and if it could, the price on it would be far too expensive for anyone to afford.

i've been on the road for over 3 years now, and this one person that i haven't seen in those 3 years, is the only one who sends me anything in the mail. i've received more care packages from her than i have from my mother, father, friends, and credit collectors combined. it means so much to know that wherever you are, there's always someone thinking of you...that no matter how long you've been gone, that time doesn't tarnish their memory of you. for a guy who grew up having next to zero self-esteem, it's nice to know that you actually aren't forgettable.

so, if you're reading this, i just want you to know that i've treasured every gesture you've made in the years past. most people could combine all of their friends and never come up with one that has half the heart that you do. i've been a depressed, quasi-suicidal, passive-aggressive maniac all these years and you've never held it against me once. it means a lot, and now i'm finally telling you (along with the rest of the world) how much that means. you are one of the bright spots in an otherwise gloomy life. i hope that one day i can do the same for you.

anytime, anywhere,

'face.

so long, and goodnight.

p.s.: venomous rants will resume shortly.

the never ending battle....ends

2008-04-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

hey gang,

it's with a heavy heart i do this:

something has happened recently that has made me reconsider this whole business of blogging. i can't really talk about what went on exactly, but it turns out that this site is more trouble (and has gotten me in more trouble) than it was worth. after 3 years and 315 posts, i think it's time to call it quits before i do any more damage to myself and those associated with me.

i can't believe that i've been on the web so long, spewing bile-filled rants and bizarre observations. this whole thing started out as a sort of "therapy" for me after i went through a crisis back in april 2005. i think writing on here has been helpful for me and i hope it's been entertaining and enlightening for those who've been reading over the years.

i'd like to say thanks to everyone who ever bothered to read my attempts at writing and journalistic endeavors. it was nice to have an audience, regardless of the fact that i've never even seen half of you in person. thanks for letting me put my heart and bile out here for these last few years without ever being as critical and judgmental of me as i have been towards nearly everything in existence.

unfortunately, it was more or less necessary for me to delete a large amount of the things i've posted in the past. instead of leaving up bits and pieces of posting, i've decided to put the whole thing to bed with a bit of dignity. sadly, this means that there will be no "niggaface" archives.

i apologize if this comes off too melodramatic or self-important: i know this was just a stupid blog, but it kind of meant a lot to me.

so, for the last time:

so long, and goodnight.